Our 15 month old still has a little bit of babyness about him. I am holding on tight to every inch I can get. I love little tiny humans and stand in sheer awe that they go from newborn to adult. Watching them grow is a mesmerizing gift, but watching them grow up can also be tough on the heartstrings. They change at what seems like warp speed and once they are on to the next stage, the last stage is forever finished. My babies have almost vanished before my eyes and morphed into a little girl and little boy. It’s something quite amazing how quickly they change and learn new things. There is something so special to me about the baby phase. I just love it. They are utterly dependent on you and you can tell just how secure they feel in your arms. The source of comfort we provide our children is pure joy to my soul. It’s like your heart getting the best hug of your life when they put their little head on your shoulder and snuggle in. Melt me like butter with that babyness! It gives me such a beautiful picture of our Heavenly Father. He is Comforter. He is our Rock and Refuge. He fulfills those roles much better than we, as sinful parents, do. So snuggle up and cuddle in, He’s always there!
As a mother, I’ve experienced the Scriptures speaking of joy coming from serving others, in the most tangible ways. Now, it is most certainly gratifying to fulfill your own desires. We have no shortage of wants. I know I don’t. Like Scripture says, nobody ever hated themselves, we really think quite highly of ourselves. We think about what we want all the time and think we deserve a lot. I’m not saying that’s all bad or sinful. God has just called us to more than living a life completely for ourselves and we actually get to experience Him through that. He does that for our good. It seems counterintutive, and, that’s why it’s divine. Only God could create true joy from serving others. In motherhood, serving is on the daily agenda. When I don’t allow myself to get in the way of serving my children and I am attuned, I experience that true joy. There are countless moments throughout the day for this messy, beautiful, undeserving joy. I so often look at our children and think, “how did I ever become so blessed?” A look, a laugh, a smile, a coo, seeing your child enjoy life, learn something or love. Marriage has given me many opportunities to serve and put my husband above myself(not that I always take those opportunities or take them cheerfully) but, motherhood kicks it up exponentially. There’s something completely different with a child who actually needs you for everything. You don’t have as much of a choice as you might with a spouse.
Walking in the Spirit is where we receive the fullness that God gives. We think we know what will truly satisfy us by walking in our flesh, but, we are so wrong. I know that by experience and, somehow I still need constant reminders of this. I battle my flesh daily. Walking in our flesh often gives us a very temporal happiness but, not a true, lasting joy. It does not completely fulfill us, only God can do that. Psalm 16:11 says that in His presence there is fullness of joy. I feel like I have experienced more of Him through the children He created and has allowed me to mother. It’s amazing to see and spend so much time with little ones He created specifically for us. The whole way He designed children to come into the world, how they learn, grow and develop could only be done supernaturally. It shows Christ’s divinity in countless ways. He has shown me a deeper glimpse of His love through the love He gives me for our children. The moment our first was born, I knew, without a doubt, that I could die for her if ever needed. The very second I met her, I knew I could put myself aside for her. That is exactly what God did for us. He gave us the ultimate sacrifice. He gave us His son and that was for every single person He created. His love is a million times more pure than mine. He is love. He created love. The gift of experiencing more of Him in becoming a mother is nothing short of exceptional. Thinking of Him as Father, who loves me more than I love my own children is remarkable. I hope you know Him as Father and know that His love is incomprehensible.
I’m a mom so, I wanted to talk about how in becoming a mother that I’ve come to know and experience another layer of Christ’s love. It’s truly one of the most beautiful gifts I’ve received. I feel so honored and privileged that God has allowed me to be called mama. I know not all of you are mother’s. My hope is that each of you will still be able to know more of the love that Jesus has for you, and others, through my ramblings. When I start to write or communicate my thoughts, they tend to go here, there and everywhere(My husband knows this all too well). You might want to, kindly, muster up some patience for me. I’m hoping and trusting that God will do something through this blog.
Having children is a game changer. It literally changes almost every single thing you do. A teeny tiny newborn will absolutely rock your world. Sleep deprivation takes on a whole( I mean, a W-H-O-L-E) new meaning. You would have never thought you could survive on so little sleep for so many days/weeks/months. You’ll also be amazed at how incredible your multi-tasking skills become. You’ll do things with only one hand that you would’ve never thought possible. This efficiency could have come in handy before kids, if only I knew.
You have all these ideas of what having kids will be like. You’ll imagine the kind of parent you’ll be. In reality, you’ll do things you would have never thought. Priorities change drastically. They change so significantly because your priorities change so greatly. You and your desires no longer constantly comprise the top spots of your thoughts. Thank you Jesus! Anytime we truly put someone above ourselves, we can begin to change. When we do it more often than we don’t, this can make way for great sanctification. You have this tiny human who needs you for everything, every single thing. They need you to love them, clothe them, protect them, help them sleep, bathe them, feed them, change them, cuddle them, etc. This happens 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Your priority of “me,” begins to melt. It’s as if you are muddy head to toe and the shower begins to bring back your color. The mud is you getting washed down the drain. This may sound sad and, at moments, it is, but, it’s really quite beautiful. It’s like Jesus is cleansing you of self to draw you closer to Him and to make you more like Him. He’s the one who said the last will be first and who showed us what a true servant is.
The rewards of having a child will also rock your world, in ways you never imagined. When Jesus talks about God giving the best gifts, that children are a blessing, that the Holy Spirit gives love & joy, all of these things become truth that you know deep in your soul. It seems so backwards that you can give every ounce of yourself(and then some, and then some more) to someone but, simultaneously receive the most inexplicable joy. It’s joy in its most pure form. It’s pure because babies can’t speak yet, they can’t tell you the things things that make you feel good, they don’t know how to love you in your love language, they can’t even hug or kiss you yet. They really can’t do much for you, and, they require everything of you. Romans talks about presenting your body as a living sacrifice. Mothers can surely relate to this, in ways that others might not fully. Housing a little human inside your own body for 9 months, delivering that child, the healing process your body goes through to recover, nursing your child, being awake at all hours of the day and night to take care of your child. Those are just a few ways you begin to see your body as a sacrifice and not own solely of your own. How can someone who completely strips you of yourself, give you joy in a capacity you didn’t know existed? This is exactly how God works! There is not much we can do for God. We have come at a great cost to Him. He had to give his only Son for us. We can easily grieve and hurt Him. We disobey Him. We can forget to include Him in many of our thoughts or plans. We don’t give Him all the praise He is worthy of. But, He loves us. He loves us so much that He chose us and formed our inner parts & knit us together in our mothers womb. He loves us with a love that we can not fathom. He loves each of us. We are what He created. He wants His best for us, not what we think is our best. He is faithful to us & to His promises.
Part 2 Coming soon . . .
This is it. This is life. Soaking in a beautiful moment where I was completely present. Awwww, it’s like Calgon took me away. Nobody else needed me at that very moment. Undivided attention, how I love thee! My husband was putting our daughter down for a nap and I was with our son, Isaiah. I was on the floor, on my knees right up against the bed. He was sitting on the edge of the bed resting against my torso, nestled right into me. He was happy as could be playing with the drawstring on my pants. He was so content, waving that drawstring around. He’d put it in his mouth, coo, smile, coo some more, thenrepeat. Lord, give me such contentment in the simple things! When we pay attention, we can learn so much from children, can’t we? No wonder Jesus says to be like a child.
If you’ve had a chunky baby, like ours, you know what their marshmallow arms feel like. It doesn’t feel like there could possibly be any muscle or bones in there. Those arms arefull of squishy goodness. I got to have those marshmallow arms hanging on me. About every 10 seconds Isaiah would take a break, sit totally still and rest his head on my chest. The kind of resting that if I moved, he’d topple off the bed. He would just melt right into me. Love the trust our children have with us. It’s so genuine, so pure. It reminds me of the trust that is available to us from our Heavenly Father. He is worthy of all trust. I know the days of Isaiah resting on my chest will be gone so much faster than I’m ready for. What a wonderful moment to be present and not do things like try to read emails, text anyone, be tempted to leave and sweep the floor or anything else. To relish in moments like this is to live life. What a gift to simply enjoy. That’s it. The good in life. Ordinary moments with extraordinary heart. I’ll take it! This mama is grateful. What moments have you savored lately?
To our sweet baby girl, you are 9 months tomorrow. God has made His love more real through you. I’ve experienced Him through loving you. How can God love you more than I do? It’s almost impossible to fathom. Not only has He given us Jesus but, He gives this world His children everyday. If that is not the fullest testimony of love, I don’t know what is. He gave us you and we couldn’t be more grateful for Him giving you, His daughter, to us. Loving you has also illuminated the depth of which my parents love me. I always knew I was loved but, in loving you, I know how deep that love goes. I know that they gave and continue to give their best for me, as we do for you. Our hearts will weep and be deeply wounded when we fail you. When our sin or selfishness gets in the way of His best, we will crumble. The love we have for you is so more pure than anything else on earth. I believe Him giving the gift of children to show more of Himself. I don’t know how people are able to deny Him after going through a pregnancy, childbirth and caring for a child. In my eyes, there could be no other way to receive the miracle of children than from God. The whole process is without a doubt, miraculous.
Everyone says that having a child is hard work. Everyone jokes about the lack of sleep you’ll be living in. You don’t know what being tired is until you have a newborn. You ate every 2 hours, 24 hours a day for many months. It took you & us quite awhile to get nursing mastered. We had no idea what we were doing at the beginning. We were overwhelmed and utterly exhausted. We had never given so much of ourselves to anyone or anything. Here comes the best part. The return on that investment was better than any return we had ever received. I think they call that a high yield or something in stocks, well then you would be an infinite, unsurpassed yield. The amount of love and joy we have experienced through you cannot be matched. It floods my entire body, every time I look at you. I have read that when a mother gazes at her child that her brain changes physiologically and this makes sense to me. This is something supernatural and fabricated by the Creator. There is absolutely no other explanation. There can be true joy in serving others and I have seen this in serving and caring for you. I have struggled in other relationships with joyful love being circumstantial. My hope is that in loving you so purely that it will help me love others more purely.
Children are without question one of the best gifts God gives. Children are a manifestation of God. The bible says that children are a blessing.
The word “blessing,” has lost some of it’s meaning due to it’s overuse. I don’t think there is a word to accurately encompass the true meaning of how good children are. I pray that you one day receive the gift of children. Seeing you become a mother would be another one of life’s best gifts. God has given us an insight to His love that I do not believe we could internalize without being parents. You are not even 1 year of age and God has already used you tremendously.